An Ode to Negativity

ode to tired

I don’t even know where to begin. My heart is tired with what I see in the world today. My brain angered, little things setting me off. In a society of the self-involved, many things infuriate me. I am so tired of manufactured positivity. I am so tired of people telling other people how to live their lives. I am equally frustrated with people not willing to understand others and being so quick to pass judgement.

Those in the medical field and ancillary staff see patients PEOPLE and their families during some of the worst times of their lives. Yet, our job is to understand our patients in all realms of being. To give hope, even foster positivity in a time of need.

Yes, I am a negative person. Perhaps it’s because my compassion and empathy stores are on back order. Being a nurse is hard damn work. Though myself and nurses like me give and give and give, we are looked down upon interpersonally for our perceived negativity. We’re tired. We don’t have the energy to manufacture positivity.

Have you ever wiped an adult’s ass? I have.

Have you ever held pressure on a blood-spurting femoral artery? I have.

Have you ever been physically attacked when merely trying to help your attacker? I have.

Have you ever had to struggle to keep someone alive, only to be looked down upon by another for not getting their cup of ice chips to them in a timely manner? I have.

Have you ever been the last person to hold someone’s hand during their final breaths? I have.

Only because their family was too scared to watch them die? I have.

Have you ever gone to work so burnt out with nothing left to give, only to see someone scared or in pain and somehow muster up something within yourself to make them at peace? I have.

So while you are feverishly typing away at your TPS reports, thinking back upon the last TED Talks you saw, or the last inspirational article you read in Oprah’s magazine…try to UNDERSTAND us negative folk. Perhaps we really aren’t that negative. Perhaps we just understand things on a different level based on our life experiences.

Perhaps we are tired. Tired of manufactured positivity. Tired of in-genuine understanding. And maybe, just maybe, we are just tired of people fighting with other people.

Hair in My Phò

My hubby had a little too much fun last night and as a result didn’t want to go to the gym. Instead he wanted Phò. I suggested we go to the Phò place then work out. He agreed but that thought quickly got forgotten…or Phògotten har har.

20140212-042633.jpgWhat Phó is supposed to look like Continue reading



My workouts were on hold due to my work stretch. It’s too difficult for me to go to the gym when I have a 2 hr commute and work a 12.5 hr night shift lifting and turning patients.

Influenza A (H1N1) and Norovirus have been running rampant in Oregon right now and unfortunately my unit was hit hard with Noro the past 2 weeks. See Norovirus Cases Rising in the NW
I was exposed to it before the patients were put in isolation so of course on my first day off I came down with the nasty bug.

I had a mimosa and some champagne after work Monday AM (not very Dukan-friendly I know) and when I woke up Monday eve I felt like I needed to puke. I wondered how I could be hungover from such a small amount of alcohol as I wretched into the toilet. I climbed back in bed and assessed myself, I felt great other than having the urge to vomit. I decided to go back to sleep and proceeded vomit for the next 6 hrs. Then, the downstairs action came.

As soon as the diarrhea struck I was certain I had Norovirus. It smelled just like all of our infected patients. Yuck. I then got a fever, chills, weakness and fatigue that lasted for 2 days though the vomiting and diarrhea stopped. Yesterday I was able to hold down some Gatorade, Sprite and a grilled cheese sandwich. I still have a queasy stomach and horrid headache today but I ate some toast and almost have a 32 oz Gatorade down.

Hopefully my stomach will feel better tomorrow and I can attempt the gym. I guess my silver lining is that I’ve lost 5lbs from this awful illness.