An Ode to Negativity

ode to tired

I don’t even know where to begin. My heart is tired with what I see in the world today. My brain angered, little things setting me off. In a society of the self-involved, many things infuriate me. I am so tired of manufactured positivity. I am so tired of people telling other people how to live their lives. I am equally frustrated with people not willing to understand others and being so quick to pass judgement.

Those in the medical field and ancillary staff see patients PEOPLE and their families during some of the worst times of their lives. Yet, our job is to understand our patients in all realms of being. To give hope, even foster positivity in a time of need.

Yes, I am a negative person. Perhaps it’s because my compassion and empathy stores are on back order. Being a nurse is hard damn work. Though myself and nurses like me give and give and give, we are looked down upon interpersonally for our perceived negativity. We’re tired. We don’t have the energy to manufacture positivity.

Have you ever wiped an adult’s ass? I have.

Have you ever held pressure on a blood-spurting femoral artery? I have.

Have you ever been physically attacked when merely trying to help your attacker? I have.

Have you ever had to struggle to keep someone alive, only to be looked down upon by another for not getting their cup of ice chips to them in a timely manner? I have.

Have you ever been the last person to hold someone’s hand during their final breaths? I have.

Only because their family was too scared to watch them die? I have.

Have you ever gone to work so burnt out with nothing left to give, only to see someone scared or in pain and somehow muster up something within yourself to make them at peace? I have.

So while you are feverishly typing away at your TPS reports, thinking back upon the last TED Talks you saw, or the last inspirational article you read in Oprah’s magazine…try to UNDERSTAND us negative folk. Perhaps we really aren’t that negative. Perhaps we just understand things on a different level based on our life experiences.

Perhaps we are tired. Tired of manufactured positivity. Tired of in-genuine understanding. And maybe, just maybe, we are just tired of people fighting with other people.

10 Must Have Newborn Essentials

As a first time parent and a so-called practical person, I believed a lot of baby items were simply marketing gimmicks. Okay, maybe paranoid is a better self-descriptor than practical. Do I really need a wipes warmer? Bottle sterilizer? A changing table?


Seriously. I questioned a changing table.


I told my husband I thought we could change the baby on the floor (I remember my parents doing it that way back in the day, or maybe that was a weirdo pregnancy dream?). He flat out told me that was the one item he cared about. “Alright, you can have your changing table,” I thought begrudgingly. Thank God he got his changing table! What the hell was I thinking?! Here are ten “What the Hell was I Thinking when I didn’t Think we Needed These” baby items. AKA, 10 Must Have Newborn Essentials:


10. Rock ‘n Play. It’s mind-boggling to me that something so simple can foster tranquillity for a resting newborn. The incline helps with acid reflux, the contours and vibration simulate being in the womb. Unfortunately Riley learned to escape hers at the tender age of 2 months. But it worked great in the beginning!


9. Baby Swing. I remember in the first-time Mom fog Googling EVERYTHING to get my baby to sleep. I came across the awesome website Precious Little Sleep, that explained the benefits of a baby swing. At that time, I was petrified of taking Riley out in public. I weighed my options, possible sleep with the price of a few car nursing sessions VS no sleep ever again for the rest of my life. So I went with the former, en route to Babies ‘R Us with high maintenance few week-old in tow. I picked up a Fisher Price Snug-a-Bunny Cradle ‘N Swing. I’ll admit, it was pretty sketch hauling that thing in the shopping cart with her in her infant carrier but I did it. When we got home I somehow managed to put it together myself (and not screw it up) while Ryan was at work. The swing was one of the pricier “gimmicks” I purchased and was 100% worth it. Riley loved the thing and was at ease in it.

8. Baby Wearing Wrap. A Boba Wrap is what I had and it was amazing! During her fussiest hours, the only thing that provided some relief was wrapping Riley up and dancing around the house in the Boba Wrap.

7. Humidifier. No doubt about it, your baby WILL get sick. In Riley’s short life, I’ve seen her with nasal congestion more times than I have without it seems. Humidifier. Get one.

6. Swaddle Me. You should have seen Riley in my first attempt at swaddling. She looked like me after a heavy night of drinking, curled up with a towel on a floor somewhere. Not cute. The Swaddle Me made it so easy to swaddle and the wiggle worm couldn’t break free from it.

5. Diaper Genie. This one I thought was a huge gimmick. It’s basically an over-size Litter Locker for babies. (Ok. So I’m all for gimmick pet products, just not baby stuff…as evidenced by me referencing a Litter Locker. Whoops, secret’s out).

4. Co-Sleeper and/or Pack ‘n Play. The only place Riley would sleep for a few months. See here.

3. Mittens. No, we are not preparing for Arctic Blast 2000-whatever…baby mittens folks. They aren’t for show! Those little nuggets are born with razor-sharp talons and will claw the shit out of everything. Oddly, these razor-sharp talons are impossible to trim. Do yourself a favor and invest in some baby mittens.

2. Baby bath. Another “what was I thinking moment?”… I seriously thought I could bathe Riley in the sink. Like, without anything in it. HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Newborns need head support, they don’t like cold things pressed up against them and they get to a point where they squirm. I ended up NOT getting a baby bath but bought this instead: a Blooming Bath. It worked wonderfully. My only complaint is that it was very hard to dry completely.




Netflix! Momma’s gotta cope. Some of my fondest moments of maternity leave were of Ryan and I going through the whole series of Breaking Bad during the evenings, while I sipped on a single White Russian. I have no idea why my drink of choice after being preggo was a White Russian, but hey, it worked! During the day when Riley was hooked to the boob, having a marathon of House of Cards or Scandal really helped me get through feeling like my only purpose in life was to be milked. Thank you Netflix, for letting me feel human again!


So there you have it, my Top 10 Must Have Newborn Essentials!

How I Got my Colicky Baby to Sleep in a Crib

Babies are tough and newborns are especially tough. With blow-outs, colic, The Purple Period, breastfeeding woes, etc. etc., it’s practically a guarantee that very little sleep will be had with that beautiful bundle of joy around.

Having a newborn was exceptionally challenging for my husband and I as first time parents. Riley had difficulty latching while breastfeeding, was incredibly fussy all of the time and would nurse 19-21 times a day in her first few months of life. No joke. Thanks iBaby Feed Timer for documenting how little sleep I got in those early days. We later found out Riley had acid reflux and a cow’s milk protein intolerance, both of which likely led to her colic and fussiness.


For the first few months of life, Riley would start her nights sleeping in the Rock ‘n Play Sleeper next to our bed and then she would end up sleeping in bed with me. Her tiny little head cradled upright in my arms. Co-sleeping and bed sharing in particular was something my childless, pregnant self scoffed at. I remember a co-worker asking me if I would bed share when the baby came. Petrified by the thought I immediately retorted “hell no!” and waddled my pregnant self away as fast as I could. My naive, know-it-all self believed if I let my baby sleep with me I’d never get her to sleep in her crib later on.

It’s amazing how everything changes once you have a little one.

As Riley got bigger, I started to tire of waking up with my arm numb. I also realized with her in bed with me, I was never truly sleeping. I was constantly in this strangely aware sleep state. Always in a statue-like sleeping position, I’d sense each breath and movement Riley made. I was always afraid my husband would roll onto her and crush her. Utterly exhausted, I was ready for Riley to sleep in her crib.

For many babies, it is very trying to get them to sleep flat, in their crib. Here’s how I got Riley, a colicky baby with acid reflux to sleep in her crib.


Have a bedtime routine. I would read about this during pregnancy and it was another thing I scoffed at. How could a 2 month old have any awareness of a routine? Guess what? They are more aware than you think and babies thrive on consistency. Our bedtime routine has changed very much as Riley has gotten older but in the early days it was very simple. Our routine consisted of me nursing her, singing to her, putting a “binky” in her mouth and rocking her to sleep in her Rock ‘N Play in our bedroom.

Get your baby used to laying flat. Some babies, especially those with acid reflux hate laying flat. Riley was the anomaly. She loved tummy time but when it came to laying flat she’d fuss. Putting her in a baby gym helped distract her and got her used to laying flat while awake. We used a baby gym that converted to a ball pit for when she was older! See below:


Switch out that Rock ‘N Play for a Pack ‘N Play or Co-sleeper. I used an Arm’s Reach Mini Co-Sleeper and when she got bigger placed a Pack ‘N Play next to our bed. I’d follow our bedtime routine and put her in there to sleep. But she wouldn’t at first. So I did this:

Use a heating pad to warm up your flat sleeping surface. I realized Riley was used to being warm and toasty. The Rock ‘N Play conformed around her little body and made her feel secure. It was more comforting and womb-like than being exposed on a cold, flat surface. While I’d nurse and rock her, I’d have a heating pad warming up the Co-Sleeper to get it nice and comfy. I’d take the heating pad out as I lay her down to sleep. Hoping this is common sense but DO NOT LEAVE THE HEATING PAD IN THE CRIB/CO-SLEEPER/PACK ‘N PLAY/OR WHATEVER WITH YOUR BABY! After a short time I was able to stop using the heating pad and place Riley to sleep directly in the Co-Sleeper.

Start putting your baby down for naps in the crib. Once Riley was used to going to sleep flat in the Co-Sleeper and her Pack ‘N Play, I started to put her down for naps in her crib in her bedroom. This went surprisingly better than I had anticipated. Within a week or so, I was able to put her down in her crib to sleep at night.


It took a few weeks with the steps mentioned above, but Riley was sleeping in her crib by herself at 3 months old! I suppose I should disclaim that these tips are to help get your child to sleep in a crib, not sleep through the night. At 10 months old, Riley still wakes to eat a few times a night but easily falls back asleep in her crib after her feeds. I can’t wait for the day for a full night’s sleep!


My Blogging Hiatus

The death of a blog. My short-lived blog went dead nearly 1.5 years ago. The internet is full of skeleton blogs. Meaningful words and posts that have been forgotten over the years.

Interests change, new phases are embarked upon and life simply just happens.

My blog went comatose because of just that. Life happened, and in particular, a NEW life happened. On July 4th, 2015 we welcomed our daughter Riley into this world.


This past year and a half has been a whirlwind. However, things may just be settling enough to embark upon an old familiar phase, to dust the cobwebs off and put some life back into old skeleton blog.


Cheddar Broccoli Soup

Yummy, yummy soup. I have had an insane aversion to vegetables lately (formerly my favorite food!) so I decided soups are a good way to smuggle some in. As a kid, my mom would take me to the Tillamook Creamery Restaurant in NE Portland which has since closed. They had the most delicious Cheddar Broccoli Soup! There is a cafe within the Tillamook Cheese Factory in Tillamook, OR and it is possible this delicious soup still exists, but in the meantime I had to fabricate my own. Continue reading


DIY Upcycled Chalk Painted China Cabinet


Lets not get confused with a chalkboard here. I will not be scribbling sweet-nothings all over my furniture. Chalk Paint offers excellent coverage, is quick to dry and has a beautiful matte finish. Read below for my experience upcycling an inherited (super ugly) china cabinet with homemade chalk paint! Continue reading


Perfectly Pumpkin…My Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte!

Oregon is ever known for rain. It’s been raining for the past few weeks but to be honest I hadn’t felt like Autumn had hit yet. What a stupid thing to think because after last night, Fall is in full-force! The wind and rain were so violent the house sounded like it would be ripped to shreds. We live in a heavily wooded area and I kept waking to the lovely sound of tree branches crashing down. Then the power went out, which is not an unusual thing to happen when you live out in the middle of nowhere. So of course, I had no heat. Our dog Juneau and I curled up in some blankets and got the worst sleep of our lives.

When I “woke up” this morning there was only one thing on my brain…COFFEE!

In spirit of blustery Autumn weather and with Halloween approaching I decided to make homemade Pumpkin Spice Lattes! These are 100% natural compared to Starbucks and 100% deliciously comforting.

Pumpkinspice Continue reading

Blackberry Cobbler (Dairy-free, Gluten-free and almost Paleo!)




Today I picked 2 pounds of blackberries from my own backyard. My skin was destroyed in the process but it was well worth it to get the goods. I froze half of the berries and decided to make a healthier version of Blackberry Cobbler with the rest. This cobbler turned out delicious! The topping melts in your mouth as the berries add a subtle pop! Continue reading